This has nothing to do with our “Find Great Gifts” theme but I just had to pass this along. If you own a dog AND a cat you can really imagine this is what goes on in their heads.
Author: Unknown.
DOG DIARY:
8:00 am - Dog food! - My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! -Â My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! -Â My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! -Â My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! - My favorite thing!
2:00 pm - Played in the yard! - My favorite thing!
4:00 pm - Licked a person’s face! - My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! - My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! - My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! - My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! - My favorite thing!
Â
Until tomorrow…
Dog
CAT DIARY:
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I
decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless corpse at their feet. I had
hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending remarks about what a “good little hunter” I am.
Those Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.
This morning I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one
of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must
try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced
that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so
he is safe.
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